A while ago, I got turned down for a tutoring job because I
am a woman. There are several layers as to why this experience was so
frustrating to me. The first, and obvious, one is that I was denied a job
because of my sex, which is absurd yet not uncommon in this time period. Another
layer is that the mother who turned me down said that it was because her son “just
doesn't respect female tutors as much.”
Now, I know how to talk to potential employers, so I wasn't
going to say this to her face, (or however that phrase translates for
conversations over the phone) but after hearing a sentence like that I doubt
her parenting skills. If your son doesn't respect women, does he respect you? Does
he respect his sister or his female classmates? If you haven't managed to teach
him this snippet of human decency what have you taught him? In other words,
what is the role of a parent to you, if not to teach him to treat others with
respect?
This young man will grow up with the idea that women are
less deserving of respect, and this idea will likely go unchecked by the people
around him. This lack of respect may lead him to disregard or even engage in
sexual assault, harassment, or rape of women. The fact that he has this mindset
as late as high school leads me to believe that he is already set in his ways
and is dangerously unlikely to change, putting many women in danger.
As a young scientist, if he chooses to continue in physics
or another male-dominated field, (I was going to tutor him for physics) he will
inevitably encounter female classmates and coworkers, and based on the lack of
regard indicated by his mother, contribute to the issues I and my friends have
already experienced. These range from exclusionary atmospheres about female
classmates, assumptions that they're going into teaching, and gender
segregation in labs (true story). He will continue to cause the problems that I
have faced, am currently working against, and would never wish upon the next
generation of female physics students.
Also, perhaps a third level, part of the reason this
tutoring position was interesting to me was that he was diagnosed with ADHD.
This hit a personal chord with me, as I was also diagnosed with ADHD, and
struggled with the symptoms which made it more challenging to pursue my
interest in the inner workings of the universe. I had hoped to help him from my
personal experience, teach him tools that have helped me, and let him learn
from my mistakes.
This mother mentioned that her middle-school daughter was
going into an advanced class that would be studying some calculus and physics,
and that she would call me back in the fall if I was interested. I was
interested, especially since this clearly bright young woman was probably not getting
much encouragement from a brother who “doesn't respect female tutors.” I could encourage
her through the additional pressures of being female in a STEM class and tell
her about all the female scientists and mathematicians left out of textbooks. However,
she never called me back, resulting in a fourth level of irritation over this
whole situation.
Anyway, I guess I'll just put on my apron and cook dinner, because that's what women are for, right?
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