A Room of the "Geek Girl"'s Own

Yesterday I read the entirety of Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own for my Women Writers class. Being the kind of reader I am, I immediately connected some of Woolf’s thoughts to the recently amplified discussion on the idea of “fake geek girls” (particularly the ones who infiltrate conventions to seek out their prey… or something).

I, like many of the female-lead discussions I have seen, attribute this assumption of the “fake geek girl” a continuation of centuries of misconceptions about the differences between men and women. The situation referred to in A Room of One’s Own concerns the idea that at that time men were more literate than women. At that time there certainly were more literate men than women, not because men were inherently smarter, but because men had more access to education. What was really caused by an element of society was attributed instead to inherent characteristics. Perhaps this is part of the reason some people have difficulty accepting that a woman can appreciate, say, Lord of the Rings, in the same way as a man. Perhaps when they see more men showing their enthusiasm they think first of an inherent difference, “women don’t enjoy epic fantasy,” rather than a social difference, “women are typically excluded by the male members of that group.” They are not kept out of the “club” by their disinterest or incapability; they are locked out, as Virginia Woolf’s character was kept out of a library, because of their gender.

Woolf observed “the history of men's opposition to women's emancipation is more interesting perhaps than the story of that emancipation itself.” It is interesting to look at how women have been “locked out” of opportunities, hobbies, and communities. We have been kept out of writing, voting, and even, in some sense, women have in the past been “locked out” of thinking. We have been breaking down the walls of what was once considered exclusively male. Could there be some particularly territorial men who see this as a threat? Is that where this harsh exclusivity comes from? Perhaps such men feel that they are running out of territory that is separated from this alien species that is “woman.” The best way to fight these alien invaders is to maintain that this isn’t their “real” interest. Or perhaps they don’t have interests besides interacting with men. Virginia Woolf observes that male writers, prior to the outbreak of women writers, never wrote of women outside of their relationship to male characters. Perhaps some men are stuck in this thought process that women who show interest in something do so to attract the attention of men who are interested in the same thing.

These are the only ways I can begin to understand this backlash against any woman who dares to consider herself a nerd. I also have difficulty comprehending the idea that the opposite sex is so different that we need guides to understand each other, as attested in magazines like Seventeen or the men of varying qualifications in A Room of One’s Own. “Have you any notion of how many books are written about women in the course of one year? Have you any notion how many are written by men?” Why is there so much effort and confusion involved in understanding the opposite sex? My theory is that they are trying to reach across differences that don’t exist. Perhaps people are forgetting that social factors divide us more than inherent differences. I have had the good fortune to live my life knowing that I am as good as a man. I have also had luck in knowing many men who are not threatened by this fact. I do not feel like I need to speak differently to my male and female friends, other than that one half might feel awkward when I start talking about my period. I have not, as Virginia Woolf says of Lady Winchilsea, grown to perceive men as the "opposing faction.” I learned to laugh at any assertion that my sex prevented me from doing anything; while the prejudice still stings, I know that they cannot take what is mine.

Perhaps the “attention-seeking fake geek girl” is a thing, but men have been known to do the same. There are worse things to pretend to be for attention. Should we encourage people to be themselves? Absolutely. But if the poster boys of nerdiness are the ones who would get beaten up and ostracized for being different, shouldn’t nerds and geeks accept people who can’t seem to find friends another way?

Virginia Woolf encouraged female writers to be encouraged by female writers of the past, citing Austen, Behn, Bronte and others. I encourage any woman who is told women cannot have certain interests to look at Hillary Clinton, Mae Jemison, Felicia Day… whoever is relevant to you. Find a room of your own to read or write or build in. Do something. Be you.